Chris and Miss

I Just Don’t Get It

Recently, I have found myself questioning things I see.  Oprah might call it an Aha moment, but philosophically speaking, my quandries are more of a -what in the heck- question…Therefore, I thought that I might share some of my observations, and if I am being totally honest, personal pet peeves.

*Why is it that for the entire nine months of pregnancy, future parents spend hours upon hours picking out the perfect crib, bedding, and decorating a beautiful nursery- only to have their baby balk at the perfection of it, and prefer to sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s disheveled, and rarely made, bed?

*How can a child not have health insurance, or for that matter- a pregnant full-time working woman- whose company does not offer insurance.  Why is it that she should have to pay thousands of dollars to have her baby, while working full-time?  It just doesn’t seem right.

*Why did Pierce Brosnan sing in Mama Mia?  Seriously, he can dance…he can jive…and clearly have the time of his life.  But please…keep James Bond, away from the microphone.

*My husband has a habit of eating around the center of his hamburger, in order to save, what he deems to be, the best piece- for last.  Yet, nine out of ten times, he is too full to finish this middle bite; which is slathered in cheese, sauce, and juices.  He then proceeds to throw it away, with me saying- how can you not eat it, it’s only one bite?  Either he has amazing restraint, or he is trying really hard to suffer, so that he’ll get into Heaven.

*I have no idea how a person can ruin a perfectly healthy sandwich by slathering it with mayo.  It is the ultimate double negative- healthy and mayo- just do not coincide.

*Why do children have to suffer life-threatening illnesses…why do couples experience infertility and miscarriage…why do healthy/active adults become stricken with cancer….why do people have to watch their loved ones suffer?  

*Why do Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, and Britney Spears get so much attention in the media?  I am so glad that Jessica Simpson was able to find love again in her lifetime…being that she’s in her twenties.

*There is absolutely no reason for sex offenders to be let out of prison…enough said.

*When did it become the norm to drive fifteen miles over the speed limit, while tailgating those who choose not to.  (Chris, there is no need to respond to this observation- I get it, that’s why I don’t drive in front of you.)

*How is it that the moment a soldier is deployed something will happen to the house, or the car, or an illness will strike a family member.  (I know I’ve written about this issue before- you can see it is a recurring theme.)  I remember once reading a Company Newsletter from Chris’ former Commander, back when he was a LT.  It suggested that family members only contact the Unit, in event of emergency, and the family cat dying- did not constitute an emergency.  Maybe not to the Army it didn’t, but you’d better believe it would to the little kid, whose parent isn’t home, to comfort him.

*LOST- Yes, I love the show and watch it religiously.  However, I rarely “get it”, and typically walk away more confused than ever.  I sincerely hope that when the series finale airs in 2010, the producers provide Cliff Notes, for the fans- or at least just for me, because I would really appreciate it.

 *Christmas sales before Thanksgiving- Shouldn’t we say thanks for all that we have before asking for more stuff, that we want?

*Why is it not possible to shift time so that when we want it to pass slowly it does, and when we want it to pass quickly, it satisfyingly speeds by?  Then the work week would feel like a few hours and the trip to Disneyland would seem like a year (with the cost factor of just four days.)

* Why is computer ink so expensive?  Seriously…it’s ink.  

*How come little girls pick on each other so much?  Why is it that todays best friends aren’t speaking tomorrow, and that preschoolers pick and choose who they want to play in the sandbox with?  C’mon ladies…let me introduce you to the Beatles, “All you need is love…love is all you need.”  

*Why do romantic comedies end right after the couple finally fall in love?  After watching their angst the entire movie, it would be really great to see them date, after the incredibly romantic, first kiss.   

I can tell you right here and now, that this list will be added to in the coming days.  I guarantee you that something else will stike me as interesting and make me question every ounce of patience that I carry around in my 5’3 frame.  Until next time…

Upon further observation, I have decided that I forgot to note other, I-just-don’t-get-it, moments to my list.  So I will call this take two, from the mind of Miss.

*Why do dog walkers let their pets urinate on my front lawn?  I own a dog and just cannot imagine letting her sniff around and then pee on another person’s petunias.  So, if you live in my neighborhood, I’ll make you a deal- I will allow your dog to relieve himself on my property, if you agree to reimburse me for the cost of fertilizer, flowers, and other yard maintenance. 

*How can people smoke with their children in the car?  Please protect their lungs…and try to protect yours, as well.  I know that relinquishing a tobacco habit is hard, believe me- I witnessed it.  My Dad was a smoker from his teen years up until right before the ambulance rushed him to the Emergency Room, one day before his Open Heart Surgery.  So here  is my Public Service Announcement-  he was 41 years old.  Even if you love your smokes, please picture four children watching over their Dad, as he is hooked up to monitors and tubes, mouthing “I love you,” not certain if he will make it through the night.  Quit for your children…as well as yourself.  I truly blame the tobacco companies who conveyed to him at the age of fifteen, that cigarettes are cool.  Now I will step off of my soap box, only to say that it has been fourteen years since my Dad’s quadruple bypass, and he is still with us and Marlboro free.  Everyday, I am thankful for that.

*I received a comment regarding Jessica Simpson, which reminded me of another issue I feel needs addressing (thanks Amy!)  I wonder how our society has come to believe that anyone who is over a size 2, should be considered overweight.  It seems that every week the tabloids are poking at someone who is what they refer to as “fat”…(Perez Hilton, you know who you are.)  Here’s the thing…who decides what perfection is?  Is it Debbie Matenopoulos, of E’s Fashion Police?  Since when did a size 6 become overweight, and when did it become okay for us to make that call?  I will admit, I am small boned, but have not been a size 2 since junior high- and that’s okay.  I want my daughters to grow up knowing that no matter how big or small they are, they are perfect.  Additionally, enough with featuring stars who recently had babies, and showing how thin they are six weeks postpartum.  It makes the rest of us “normal” people feel bad.  By normal people, I mean the ones who don’t have preportioned meals delivered to them on a daily basis, and who don’t have nannies and personal trainers.  Believe me, I choose to admire the woman who can recite Go Dog Go in her sleep, and who is able to drop a child off at preschool in between nursing a baby and scrubbing marker off of the walls.  To that woman, I say…you go girl!

*Why is it that it is easier to teach a child to  ride a bike and play a video game than to teach her how to blow her nose and brush her teeth?  If you have figured out the secret to this dilemma, I would love to hear it. 

Okay, so I’ve said my peace for the day.  Until another thing strikes me as odd…